I don't know where you'll take me, but I know your always good

back again...

Well... what can I say, its been a while and still the same thing. I can say I have recently learned somethings. That is, that my life is only to love and know God and be loved by him; a short loaded phrase. I have to admit I have been so focused on what I want to do in my life, and not on simply being still and knowing God, worshiping him, and praying (I do pray a lot, but I mean intercessory prayer). I forgot my first love guys...

I was thinking today, that if Paul is the chief of sinners then who am I. Irrelevant I know. I want this amazing relationship with a living God and yet I do what I do not want to do and do not do what I want to do. Words can not express how emotionally happy I am for a God that will not forsake me in my sin. Its amazing because every time I look beside me he's there. I may feel down and out but not forsaken. His love still fills me and I know he is nearer than a friend. AMEN. Thank you Jesus ♥

poem: how then

so here is the poem I wrote a while back, enjoy :D

How then

I get so excited when I think about that day

I heard your voice

Like in an attic

You whispered into the dark still Lonely place

You found me

You said my name

You breathed new life into me

I was born again

Now this, of the spirit

Now I am washed by red into white

This is of my transgressions
By his blood
I was reborn
Completely new
New mind
New will
New heart

I hear his heart, beat

I hear it beat, over the sins of the world
Over the lying, dealing, stealing, killing,
Over the diseases, over the injustice, over the poverty

His heart beats, for these

I see he holds them in his hands
And says I have a master plan

And I’m like alright!

here we go!
We got this!
And I’m
Striving and stressing (x4)

And I hear

RAQUEEEEL,  your faithfulness is as fleeting as the morning mist
Raquel, I desire mercy not sacrifice

And he teaches me

You can not please me
I love you
Been loving you,
You are beautiful…
Precious…
Worth, EVERYTHING…

You can not pay me back…

Be poor in spirit…
Live there
Because when you live there
I will fill you to overflowing everyday
When you live there we commune

When you live there
The people I made, therefore were made for me, are touched by me through you, in hopes of finding me, the true source (said fast)

Live there everywhere you go (said slow)
And go
For I am with you til the very end of the age.

how then

I wrote a poem called how then.  I wrote it about two years ago after I finished reading The Heavenly Man by brother Yun.  I wrote the poem because I became confused on what it looks like to live for God and frustrated on why the American church doesn't look more like the Chinese church, who I believe is closer to a biblical church like I have never seen. I felt cheated. I felt like the scripture Romans 3:11 where God says "there is no one who understands, there is no one who seeks God".  Along with seeing my church peers not serving in any capacity or even serving each other. My spirits started to go down. I felt like a visionary who wasn't heard. I think I was more hurt than bitter at what I saw and I made the decision to stop going to church. I was tired of being apart of a church community that didn't live like Acts 2.

I was often homeless, hungering for accountability, encouragement, mentorship, fellowship, and wanting to learn about godly relationships and families. I want to see people who not only serve organizations, programs, or made career decisions to serve God, but lived it.  "Lived it" is such a packed phrase. I refer mostly to how I was treated in this church by people who have titles or served in some capacity. This motivated me to not be like those I knew, but to be Christ's very presence, friendship, and grace to those who don't know him or who are growing.  We are all always learning and growing. No achievements or human standards should tell us otherwise.

Now I'm reading a book called Forgotten God by Francis Chan. The first chapter alone has been enough to convict me of the heart I lost when I first believed.  Excerpts from pages 34-35 read "So Jesus was saying another Counselor would come just like him. 'Another.' Imagine the peace that would come from knowing you had perfect truth and flawless direction from him. What do we do if Jesus says it is better for his followers to have the Holy Spirit? Do we believe him? if so, do our lives reflect that belief?

I am brought back to a place that asks why doesn't my life reflect this and how can I get there again?

dreaming

I had a dream today! I dream a lot, sometimes 2 or 3 different ones in the same morning. So I bought this book a few months ago Understanding the Dreams You Dream: Biblical Key for Hearing God's Voice in the Night. I love this book because its just that, a book that helps you with the big items (keys) and makes you piece the pieces through prayer. 

So my dream made me realize how desperate people who come to know God are for discipleship, mentoring, and living life with other Christians. As Christians we are the hands, feet, and very presence of God.  It seems that main stream Christianity thinks people just need to hear the gospel, give their lives to Jesus and that's it. But even Paul knew that wasn't it. He mentored many different churches and discipled Timothy. Our road is one of growing, learning, and producing fruit in keeping with repentance.

So I'm a new Christian, hypothetically lets say, I'm told to go to church. How does anyone learn to commune with the Lord for themselves, to know HOW to rely on him, to understand a book called the bible is supposed to be God's word when all I see is random stories, cool poems, and Jesus speaking Christianese.  I think the most coherent thing to me when I became a christian were the writings of Paul, otherwise it was years before I understood the rest of the bible and what it means for me. 

Discipleship and mentoring is a desperate need because of what Mark 4 shows us. Mark 4 has double meaning for discipleship & protecting a brand new seed in someone.  I fear many people who evangelize don't care or don't realize people are not being discipled, mentored, or connected to a caring Christian community. 

My generation and the generation behind me are falling fast because we're struggling to know him, to follow him, to know what holiness is, what it looks like, and how to stay in it. I could go into something else I'm passionate about, for now encouragement and living transparently in front a a cloud of wittiness's who call us to the floor (who are they?) are key!!! I should say now that what God has begun he will finish! I don't ever want to underestimate what the Spirit of God can do alone. 

finally

I keep saying "I'm going to start a blog" following my life, what I learn, sharing my thoughts, etc. So here it is. I'm sure some will ask why urbanite? Well, I new early on in life living and being in downtown, uptown, where everything is, where you can walk around, where lots of people are is where I wanted to be. But I learned that missions meant going to rural places. I had to revamp my thinking to God's and not man's, because with God anything is possible. He showed he is working in the city, in families, in individuals, and that I will join in there (there is yet to be disclosed ;) ... to you or me, maybe its you or maybe its or maybe I don't know or MAYBE I just don't want to say haha!) Anyway, with that revelation, I am excited to give my whole life to God, to enjoy the journey. I hope you give feedback, enjoy, learn, and go through the craziness what sometimes is adventure that is my life :) As well as very blessed and covered. I wish I would have started sooner. Next, a camera. And thank you for always stopping in! blessings